A Little "Potty Humor"

This weekend, I went shopping at our local Wal-Mart store, and I had to go to the bathroom. I was reminded once again just how much I really dislike public toilets. They are almost certainly dirty and uncomfortable to use.

I won't go into the old comparison about how men have it SO much easier than women when it comes to going number 1, but I will generalize about the public potty experience for women so that men can begin to appreciate an experience that women have been dealing with from the time their mothers drug them into the stall with them as small children.

If you're a man and you've ever wondered what takes women so long in the bathroom...allow me to explain...

In anticipation of the inevitable filth we will find forthwith, we mentally prepare ourselves for this distasteful, yet necessary endeavor.

There are two situations most women find when arriving at the public restroom: either they find a line, or they don't. Most of the time, it's the former.

Depending on the urgency of the call of nature, women may:

A. Wait in line
B. Throw themselves at the mercy of the equally impatient person in front of them and ask to move ahead in line
C. Drive to another bathroom
D. Use the Men's restroom

If you choose to stand in line, it's like Russian roulette when the next toilet that becomes available. You may even find yourself praying out loud..."Please let it be clean, please let it be clean!"

Once you glance inside the stall you may find:

A. A toilet clogged with various assumdries and unmentionables.
B. No toilet paper
C. No lock on the stall (in which case, you may try and find another stall, or say "The hell with this" and try and hold it shut while hovering over the seat (if there are no available seat covers).
D. Urine all over the seat
E. No place to put your purse or handbag.

When the former occupant emerges from the stall, it's usually a bad sign when they won't make eye contact with you and you begin to wonder just what they left behind.

Sometimes your predecessor will give you a heads up on what to expect...

For example:
"It's clogged. Don't use that one." OR

"There isn't any toilet paper left." OR my favorite...

"Sorry!" This comment usually doesn't bode well.

All this to say, if there are seat covers, a lock on the door and toilet paper available you feel like you've just hit the Public Restroom Lottery and you're the Grand Prize Winner!

Other things women must deal with in the public restroom...

1. Peek-a-book youngsters of various ages, some of them boys, looking under the stall partition at you or through the crack in the door.
2. No sanitary napkin receptacles. (Particularly heinous in the midst of a period).
3. Noxious clouds of vapor left behind by the previous stall occupant.
4. Urine spray all over the floor and seat (from a "hovering occupant") mixed with left over toilet paper from a yet another person who was too lazy to properly dispose of their homemade seat cover.
5. Accidentally exiting the stall with TP attached to your shoe, or having tucked your skirt into the back of your pantyhose so that everyone sees you butt when you leave the bathroom.

So gentlemen, please rejoice in the blessing of your male anatomy and wait patiently for your lady when she attends the ladies room. It may have been a rough experience for her.