In Vitro: In a Glass Dish, They Do the Puppeteered Tango via ICSI

This month we begin In Vitro Fertilization and I cannot wait to have my hormones artificially manipulated. I'm kidding. I'm actually worried about how the hormone swings are going to adversely effect my relationship with my husband. I know how bad my normal hormone storms can be! Just think what heavy doses of hormone stimulants can do! Hide all sharp, pointy objects....

Unanswered Prayer

I've been trying to think more about what God wants and less about how I'm feeling. It's tough because I'm sinful and selfish and wallowing in the fact that I'm a barren woman.

When you can't have babies and you want to have them and it's Mother's Day, your outlook on life seems much less hopeful. You picture years of loneliness, without family and a child's love and you feel depressed. Despite the fact that you don't know when God is going to take you, it's nice to paint a picture in your mind of how you would like your earthly years to be spent. Dashed expectations are such a downer.

I opened the Bible to the book of Romans and I read what the apostle Paul said in the first chapter, (verses 9 and 10) about prayer. When you can't have babies, you pray for them for years and you never know if God will answer them. It feels most days, like your prayers are going out into the void.

But Paul has this to say:

Rom. 1: 9, 10
9 God, whom I serve with my whole heart in preaching the gospel of his Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you 10 in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last by God's will the way may be opened for me to come to you.

The NIV commentary below the passage says this:

"When you pray continually about a concern, don't be surprised how God answers. Paul prayed to visit Rome so he could teach the Christians there.When he finally arrived in Rome, it was as a prisoner (see Acts 28:16). Paul prayed for a safe trip, and he did arrive safely--- after getting arrested, slapped in the face, shipwrecked, and bitten by a poisonous snake.

God's ways of answering our prayers are far from what we often expect. When you sincerely pray, God will answer-- although sometimes with timing and in ways you do not expect."

That's my gem from Jesus for the day. We need to be in prayer, to expect him to answer if we are praying in earnest and with righteous intent. However, we should not expect him to answer on our timetable. I would go a step further to say that we shouldn't expect him to answer at all in the way we want him to. There is no written promise of our happiness or that God will even give me children. He just promises to be with us. Emmanuel.

Jagged Little Pill

It's a bit ironic that I am healing from surgery and my period comes directly before Mother's Day when I'm struggling with infertility and that I have a minor (yet annoying) case of Poison Ivy. It's spring and people are coming out of the closet left and right with pregnancy announcements. I'm feeling pretty troll-ish this days so I think I'll spend some time alone to avoid running into happy people.

I'm sure the pendulum will swing the other way eventually, but until it does, I remain yours truly,

Grumpasaurus Rex

Parc Bistro in Skippack, PA

Have you ever tasted good food and thought how marvelous it was to be alive so you could be there at that moment, eating it? We accompanied another couple to The Parc Bistro in Skippack, PA for a delicious meal on Friday night. I splurged and got a beautiful blue bottle of still water and the Boeuf Bourguignon. Jeff let me sample his appetizer (black bean soup) and his entree of Buffalo Chicken Pizza.

I sampled my friend's Key Lime Martini, and her Foie Gras appetizer. Her husband let us try his Barbeque Scallops wrapped in bacon with a side of Fuji Apple Cole Slaw. Unbelieveable! So mouth-watering! The after dinner coffee was pleasing as well! Over all great country French atmosphere, superb food, our waitress seemed a little inattentive, but we heard from our friends that their regular waiter is stellar.

It was an enjoyable evening. The restaurant had indoor and outdoor seating. This little gem is perfect for special occasions or for a night out on the town with your significant other. 3.5 stars out of 4! I liked it better than my experience at another local country French eatery off of Allentown Road. Great job Parc! We'll visit again, as soon as possible!

Post-Op

It's the third day since my laproscopy and I think I can say, I'm out of the woods!  There doesn't appear to be any sign of infection in either of my incisions and I'm not suffering any long term effects from the anesthesia. I'm a bit sore and tired and I can't comfortably sit up with my pants buttoned for long periods of time, but I am on the mend. I praised God this morning for seeing me through this surgery.

In my devotions this a.m., I read Psalm 71. I was reminded that God is my rock and my refuge to whom I may always go. From my youth I have known him. He is there for us to rely upon and he comes quickly, like a loving Father when we cry out to him. I am thankful for a loving God.

The day of my surgery, my hubby and I made it down to the surgical center on time. I filled out the pre-surg paperwork and then they took me back to get changed and to get my IV started.

Jeff kept me distracted from the pain of the IV by talking to me and holding my other hand. He's so good to me. They put me on a sugar water drip to keep me hydrated and to get my blood sugar going. It burned a bit inserting it, and having it in there. The nurse did a fabulous job with my IV. I don't even have a bruise!!!! Unbelievable!

Jeff continued to hold my hand and we talked quietly until the surgeon came to explain the procedure and to sign more paperwork giving him permission to do ablation, should they find anything to ablate, like endometriosis.

Once we got to the OR, I got up no the table and spread my arms out in a cross position. It was eerily like the scene from a prison movie when they give the condemned inmate a lethal injection.

They got me strapped to and positioned on the table, making friendly chit chat as we went along. I had a nice conversation with the nurse anesthetist Jeannie. She asked me what I do, and she told me she had been a language arts teacher trying to get a job in Philly and she had gone back to school to be a NE because she couldn't find a job. Yeah, I felt like I had wasted my eduation dollars. I was saved from more wistful thoughts as the head nurse called a "time out" and everyone met over my abdomen. There they all were, politely staring and smiling at me. It felt like a football huddle and the head nurse was the quarterback. I was definitely the football.

She asked me a series of questions (name, date of birth, surgeon, procedure today etc.) and then the huddle broke, and the nurse anesthetist and anesthesiologist got to work.

This surgery was more intense than I expected. As I went under the anesthesia, a mild burning sensation crept up the back of my neck, and as I grunted a protest, the nurse anesthetist reassured me that it burned a bit. Then I was out.

Under general anesthesia, they had to use tracheal intubation to keep my airway open. I knew they were going to do this and I found out why. In my previous surgeries, the surgeons only had to work on my breast tissue (to remove benign tumors), so they didn't need to sedate me as heavily as they did for this surgery where they needed everything south of my diaphragm to be relaxed.

When I woke up in recovery, I knew where I was but it was harder than usual to get my bearings. I was really tired, and really out of it. Dizzy, oh, and nauseated! I only had the energy to open an eye at a time. I let myself go back to sleep and kept looking at the clock when I would come to again. My nurse was great. She allowed me to come around gradually and she didn't rush the process. When I told her I was nauseous, she explained that I probably would get sick from the effects of the anesthesia and why this sedation is medically necessary for the surgery. Fascinating stuff, but what I really keyed in on was the fact that I could anticipate getting sick on the way home. Sigh. She offered me something to drink and eat (gingerale and crackers). I knew I was not feeling good, when I could only sip the gingerale and nibble on a cracker. Less to vomit up later (Incidentally, I valiantly fought the nausea on the way home and only dry heaved at the front door. Then it disappated).

The doc came to talk to me in recovery before he left. He had already been out to talk to my hubby. Only two incisions were required! They went in through my naval, and I have a little incision scar below my panty line on my right side. They found some endometriosis on my left side so they removed it. This was the side that had been bothering me!!! It's affirming when medical tests confirm the presence of nagging pains. It's even better when they can explain the causes of them.

In post-op, Dr. S. told me to watch for infection, get rested and he gave me care instructions for the incisions. They sent me home with a scipt for Tylenol #3 (Tylenol with Codeine). It has a narcotic effect, so I stuck to taking the extra strength acetominophen (aka Tylenol).

I had read about the procedure in advance, so I knew to expect the gas pains, i.e. the mysterious pockets of air that travel around your belly and give you shoulder pain and chest pain, which are known side effects of having your belly inflated and of being on a vent. They gradually work themselves out in muscial ways, so I am taking it easy and having my own private, padded concerts.

I received a follow up call from the surgeon and the surgical center and I now have an appt. in 2 weeks for my post-op follow up. From there, we will have invitro fertility counseling and then I'll let you know what's next!