Friday, December 17, 2010

Trying to Feel Peaceful and Not Succeeding

Why is it, that when I'm supposed to feel peace, I feel turmoil? Is it the lack of sleep, the blessed weight of pregnancy, or the stress of not knowing what the financial future holds? Perhaps it is a combination of factors. Another life transition knocks at my door and even if I'm not ready, it's coming into my life at it's due time.

We're wondering how we're going to make ends meet, and pay all our bills when I'm home with the twins and still don't have a teaching job. I'm wondering how my delivery is going to go and dreading it, while at the same time looking forward to seeing our long awaited bundles of joy....

How will it all come together? I know that time marches on and circumstances will all crash together, I'm just wondering what condition our lives will be in, after it all hits the fan. (I enjoy mixing my metaphors.)Will we still be in our house? Will I ever find a teaching job? How will we pay for my special education classes I need to finish my special ed. certificate in order to get a teaching job?  (I have found that you need to be certified in order to even be considered now!)

I want to know it's going to be OK. I want to know that we'll be able to stay in our home and raise our babies, and that I'll get a teaching job, or that my husband will get a magical promotion at work and we won't have to worry about money.

There are no guarantees in this life. That's part of what makes it so worrisome and yet, so adventurous.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Thar She Blows!!!!

While I do not find myself identifying closely with Captain Ahab, I do myself akin to Moby Dick, if for no other reason than I feel like I have the potential to want to attack ships and to bite the leg off a a cantankerous sea dog. For those reasons and many, I continue to want to eat lot's of calories, though I am careful to not eat too closely to bedtime to avoid the dreaded heartburn.

At 24 plus weeks, my belly is now 45 inches around...that's if you take a tape measure and wrap it around my back and cross matching ends at my navel. There you have it...a whale of a belly, as yet to reach legendary proportions. I remember that I have about 15 weeks to go, and that's if I am delivered at 40 weeks. Perchance I may deliver early...I'd say 36-37 weeks would be safe.

I am happy to report that the twins hearts are is great condition, no hint of the pin hole the perinatologist thought he might have glimpsed on the ultrasound for Baby B at my last appointment. The caridologist I was referred to pronounced both girls, A-OK, to the great relief of their parents. Daddy and Mommy are happy about that!

So that's what I'm contemplating these days: the round expanse that is my ever-increasing girth and growing offspring, and the fact that someday soon, we will get to meet them.