Monday, November 12, 2007

Advice to a Bride to Be from Her Married Cousin (Me)

My cousin (who was an MK (missionary kid)) is getting married soon. Her older sister asked us to send her advice/scriptures etc. that she plans to compile into a book to give to her before she marries. These are things she can draw strength from when things inevitabley get tough. Here is what I wrote to her.

"There are so many things to share, it's difficult to know where to begin...so I'll begin on familiar ground.

As a missionary...

You learn new languages.
Find out what your husband's love language is and learn to speak it. Discover your own and teach it to him, so he knows how to reciprocate. It's easier to speak and hear your own language than to learn and use a new one. Learning a new language takes time. Don't get discouraged if you can't speak it fluently at first. Native speakers appreciate it when you make the repeated effort to communicate using their language.

You adapt to the native culture.
Your family backgrounds will be different and so will your views on mens and womens roles in the home. Study his "home culture" to learn his frame of reference and to begin to learn about his expectations for your marriage. Think about your own and how they will be integrated and how you will learn to compromise.

The missionary position...
It's not the only one available. Dont' be afraid to try new ones. They can be fun. Remember that what goes in, must come out eventually. Peeing after sex is normal, and good. Never try and manipulate him with sex. It can only end badly.

Try new foods.
There will be dishes you are comfortable cooking and then there are the ones your husband has grown up with and would like you to try. Be flexible to incorporate his diet choices into your meal plans, not assuming that he likes to eat everything that you like, or that you can change his diet. This will save you time when you get to the part about fighting over what you will bring home from the grocery store. Compromise! Get to know what he enjoys eating and snacking on! He'll like it when you buy the foods he likes.

Forgetting what lies behind...
When you two become one, you will leave your families and cleave to one another. Do not make the mistake of calling or running home when you have fights. Don't talk badly about your husband to your parents. You do not want to build up a one-sided view of your husband in your parents' minds when you are angry. Work things out with your husband on your own. If you need to, call a friend, but don't forget to keep things in perspective when you fight.

Keep a journal of your journey.
Keep a journal to remember the good times and the bad. If you have to write a letter home and you're having negative feelings towards your husband, write it down, but don't send it, and if you can, rip it out and burn it. Don't let your husband find it. Purge the bad thoughts. Remember the good ones. Remember that your husband loves you and has your interests at heart. Start from there and move forward. It is here you will see the evidence of God's faithfulness in your marriage.

Take pictures.
Take pictures every year of your marriage so you can remember your life together and where the journey takes you. Find something to write home aboutKeep it positive, and offer praises of your husband to your family and friends. Don't miss an opportunity to sing his praises to your family so they can share in your happiness and remember how happy a day it was when they entrusted you to him.

Give every day to God.
Give every day to God. There will be good ones and bad ones in your marriage. Marriage is tough. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. The one thing they don't tell you before you get married is how hard it is. You will be embarking in a journey that many people never finish. There may be times when if feels like the only thing holding the two of you together is a promise you made to each other on December 29, 2007. Don't forget that love is more than a feeling, it's a promise of forever love. Like God's love for us.

I love you. I'm here for you anytime. And I welcome your husband into the clan.
Much love,Your cousin"

2 comments:

  1. You're so clever!!! (*said in one of those goofy voices, but TOTALLY meant!!*) I laughed out loud about the missionary position!! Very cute & dead on- I'm sure your cousin will appreciate & enjoy it!! :D

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  2. right on rigel!!
    very creative, yet very truthful!! you are a wise woman....thanks for sharing!!

    susanna

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