Do Over

Have you ever wanted to have a "do over"-A moment in time when you could repeat a scene in your life and do things differently than how you did them the first time around?

Thinking about turning 30 has forced me to look back on my life thus far, and to think about how much time I may have left (on average40 to 50 years) and to take stock of things up to this point. I realize that there are so many opportunities I've let slip by because I was "afraid to try" or "worried about looking dumb." There are also situations in which I didn't comport myself in the best way possible. I've said some stupid things to people that have hurt them. I said them to win an argument, or out of revenge, or just because I didn't think through the ramifications before I opened my big mouth. All moments in my life, I wish that I could re-do.

Take the time I had the opportunity to go para sailing for free...

My in laws, some cousins, aunts, uncles, and my husband and I were at Lake George in upstate NY. My father-in-law was paying for those who wanted to go para sailing because his mother who was in her late 70's early 80's wanted to go. It was one of the things she wanted to do before she died. My mother-in-law and I were the only ones to stay behind because we feared to leave the ground. (Incidentally, we are both control freaks) Everyone else chose adventure, and I chose shopping because I was too chicken to leave the ground. Boy did I miss an experience! The next time I'll choose the para sailing...I hope.

Sometimes, I am compelled not only by guilt and remorse, but by a desire to make up for a less-than-spectacular performance or because I perceive people will/have thought less of me. If I can't look back and say, "that deserved an A" I'm not comfortable. I don't like making mistakes, and what's worse, I don't like it when people point them out to me, rubbing it in like salt in an open wound. Dang. It prompts this weird, yet common response in me....making excuses. "Perfectionist" you say? Perhaps. I do love to critique and to be critiqued. I don't like being torn down. There is a difference between admonishing someone and criticizing them. However, it is through learning through our mistakes that we become stronger people.

By screwing up and being humble and learning from our mistakes we develop character, make amends, forgive, achieve, grow and do better the next time around. We endure the pain of defeat, or we repent of some awful sin we have committed and we grow! It's amazing. Life is a series of negotiations and committments. I want to be a better person and to carpe diem a bit more and hang back on the sidelines less often.

It's like that Tim McGraw song, My Next 30 Years. I leave you with the lyrics to that song:

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age

The ending of an era and the turning of a page

Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here

Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun

Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears

And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores

Cry a little less, laugh a little more

Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear

Figure out just what I’m doing here In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight

Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late

Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers

Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life

Raise a little family and hang out with my wife

Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear

Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years In my next thirty years