Hysteroscopy

I did it. I got my uterus powerwashed. No. Not really. It was really a Hysteroscopy. A Hyster--oooo, what? That's right. I said it. A Hy----ster----o----scopy. It uses a speculum, telescroping camera, sterile saline solution and pain to give the doctor a view of the inside of your uterus.

I'll save you the long laborious story about the drive down, the search for suite 35 and the misfiling of my patient file, not to mention the marathon wait in the waiting room. I'll skip to the part where I accidentally left my fertility folder paperwork and completed patient quesitonnaire in one of the unisex bathrooms at the surgical center. Yeah. Oops.

Good thing I remembered it...after I was already called away from the waiting room vending machine to the pre-op room. I dashed out of pre-op, waited for the restroom to free up (doing a little foot stomping dance of irritation for the person in their to hurry up), and then dashed back in, folder in hand.

Despite the wait, the staff was really great from intake (AnneMarie) to recovery (Sally). The wonderful angels in nurses outfits in the operating room were AMAZING. They all had hairnets that matched mine...with tropical palm trees on them. A nurse named Christa held my hand the whole time. That was her job, to talk to me and reassure me to keep me occupied and distracted as much as possible, to get my mind off the pain happening in my innermost never-neverland.

I'm free bird from the waist down, wrapped in a short robe. They helped me up on the table after introducing me to the group. They covered me in warmed blankies and then I got into position on the table. The nurse showed me the remote control for the operating table. This baby had more bells and whistles than a craftmatic adjustable bed. I ended up on my back, head lower than my body, legs up in calf-to-ankle stirrups, legs belted in, with a drape over my pieces parts. Totally vulnerable and nervous.

I got to watch the procedure on a TV screen. I couldn't watch the whole thing though, because of the pain!!! I had to lie back down and do some controlled breathing to work through the cramping. I had a bloodpressure cuff on my arm and pulse-o-meter on my finger. I could hear my heartbeat accelerate with the pain and stress. It was the longest 15 minutes of my life! I am so thankful for Christa! As soon as that water pressure went away, the cramps began to diminish. I have to admit. There were a few tears on my face by the end.

I got some souvenir photos out of the deal. The doctor did some laproscopy while he was in there. He got rid of a polyup for me. He said he thinks it's benign. When he did the laproscopy and the biopsy it hurt a bit. The worst was the water pressure. The evil powerwasher. My uterus got a little riled up under pressure, but the doc says it's healthy. So there you go.

After all that, I don't even want to think about the HSG. I think it's supposed to be worse. :(