Peek-a-boo Menstrosity

Hang up the phone gentlemen! This one's for the ladies and it's all about "menstrosity." That's a word I made up to assemble into one conjunction the concepts of "menstruation" and "monstrosity."

Here I thought I was having a light-by-comparison visit from my Aunt Flow, relishing the fact that this must be my "nice ovary period" and then that bloody bitch had to go and play a game of peek-a-boo.

Just when I thought it was safe to downgrade to Regular grade tampons, the flood returned. Shrewdly, disaster was averted with the use of my EWD System. That's my Early Wetness Detection System. I narrowly avoided the bloody deluge, and ruining a pair of good work pants for that matter, by narrowly extricating myself from a conversation with a verbose township patron.

Thank goodness I'm always prepared with the proper necessities and accoutrements to handle such silly shennanigans on the part of "The Curse." You never known when she'll jam you up and ruin a perfectly good pants suit.

It just goes to show, you can never trust your flow to be anything but faithfully awful and oftentimes unpredictably presumptuous. Your period doesn't care if you're at work or running errands. You could be trying to squeeze in one last romantic moment with your husband, and WAM! Like a relative, come a-visiting...

"Ding Dong! It's your Aunt Flow! I know I'm a day early dear but you see I had the opportunity to catch an early flight, and so...HERE I AM! My usual room dear?"

"Yes thank you."

"Your uterus? That room with the lovely view?"

"That's right. Come on in Aunt Flow! Good to see you? How've you been?"

"Wonderful dear. I hope I'm not interrupting anything important?"

"No. Not at all (grinding teeth). Right this way. Let me show you to your room."

And like any good hostess, you're always always ready for unexpected company.

Semper Paratus ladies. Always Prepared. Always Prepared.


If your flow is fickle, like mine she may choose to play a game of peek-a-boo with you. That's why you always keep your dynamite at the ready. And when I say "dynamite," I mean tampons, oh, and a goodly supply of backup shielding in the form of those winged knights I call "Always pads with wings." Two varieties, regular and overnight when your company is overly demanding.

Why can't you keep stories like this to yourself you say? Hardly. It's too much fun to write about, and you always have the choice of not reading this post.

Just remember ladies, when the curse comes a-calling, have your arsenal at the ready, so you're prepared for that fickle menstrosity and her occasional game of peek-a-boo.