Sunday, May 18, 2014

Perspective Lost

The following is something I never published. I just thought about it and wrote it as a draft, mostly to get things out in front of me where I could read them and see them with my eyes. It's a post from when the girls were between 2 and 3 years of age. That time is hazy for me now. I should have written more down, but I got busy and well, there it is. I'm sharing this now as a reminder that we all lose perspective from time to time and we need to be reminded that we are children of the living God. He sees us. He loves us, and he doesn't want us to feel sorry for ourselves. He wants us to bring him glory. But we all lose perspective from time to time. We are all fallible.

The funny thing is...I found this draft AFTER writing my Mom's Night Out post. As moms, we all lose aspects of our old selves from time to time. Sometimes we even go to a hormonally-induced-dark-place...like the one below.

"It's dangerous to try and psychoanalyze yourself when you are overtired, under a considerable amount of stress and PMS-ing. Without the details, I am wrestling with feeling like an afterthought, the last pick for kickball, the person nobody cares about listening to and I just want to SCREAM. On days like this, I need to remember that I am important to my kids. There are so many situations in my life right now that are screaming to me that I DO NOT MATTER IN A SIGNIFICANT WAY. This is not a shameless plea for praise, encouragement and sympathy. This is a guttural cry of angst. A shout of defiance to the universe.

I am no longer the center of my own universe. I have been usurped by my children, as is natural and I find myself at the bottom of the pecking order. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs might point out that I am having a crisis of esteem and belonging. Invisibility is my newest character trait. Lack of fulfillment looms before me. Feeling like I don't contribute in a meaningful way is really bugging me. I don't sew. I'm not crafty like my SIL's. Never got a high score on the SAT's. I have my M.Ed. but no teaching job. I had a hard time getting pregnant. And to top it all off, I'm overweight and I hate how I look in my out dated clothing and no make-up. I look the same as I did in high-school, except heavier. Sigh...

I've been treading water for so long, I just want to feel terra firma under my feet again."

RECLAIM  your terra firma ladies. Get a sitter, go out and laugh with your girlfriends. If you can, go on a ladies retreat or even out for dinner. Listen to God's voice and remember who you are. A woman, dearly loved by the creator of the universe.

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