Why Mommy Groups Can Be Like Texas Holdem

This morning while I was brushing my teeth...well, honestly, I don't remember if this thought occurrerd to me WHILE I was brushing my teeth...it might have been some other time this morning, but today, the thought occurred to me, that sometimes, when we moms (Is it "us moms" or "we moms"?) share stories, not only do we like to entertain eachother, sometimes we like to "one-up" eachother.

Disclaimer: This is not necessarily a description of any mommy group that I, myself, belong to...so you can relax ladies. It's an imaginary group.

It's almost like a game of poker, specifically Texas Holdem'. "Blinds" are forced actions by the two people left of the dealer (the person keeping the conversation or game going by dealing the cards). The small blind is half the big blind. The big blind is the minimum bet. By putting in blinds, this makes sure money is always placed in the pot. Once the blinds are met, people start checking, betting, folding, calling or raising and eventually someone takes the pot.

Normally, a "check" means you're still in the hand but you're choosing not to bet. A "fold" means you are facing a bet, but you choose not to participate or call, so you throw away your cards. A "call" is a bet that matches an opponent's bet. A "bet" means you want to put some money into the pot. A "raise" means you are facing a bet, but want to put even more money into the pot. I imagine a mommy group conversation something like this:

Dealer: Kids can be crazy, right?

The small blind: This morning my kids drew all over the bathroom walls with my lipstick.

The big blind: That's nothing. My kids took permanent marker to my floor tile, the couch and the livingroom walls, the night I was supposed to host a dinner party with my husband's boss and his wife. (an action twice as bad as the first)

My kids have done that too. (check)

So have mine. They're crazy! (check)

Dealer: It's not always pets that make the messes, right Karen?

That's right! I don't have any kids, but my dog once ate a roast I had just cooked when I had my in-laws over for dinner. Took the whole thing off the counter and ate it while I was busy answering the door. He later threw it up in my slippers. (bet)

Oooo! I don't have any pets. That sounds awful! (fold)

My Great Dane, shook and killed the neighbor's prize-winning cat!!! (raise)

How is that even possible? Does your neighbor even OWN a cat? Don't they have bad allergies? (call)

Dealer: Awkward.

I know this isn't a complete game, but it gives you a window into how my mind works. I don't play the game regularly, and all information for this article came from THIS Youtube tutorial. It's a good one.