Wednesday Monday

 

I've decided that today, Wednesday, is our Monday. First, a disclaimer: This is not a roll of complaints, it is a monologue, designed to make you smile, cringe and laugh...with sympathy.

 

It's the first day that Daddy is back to work after the New Year made it's debut and we're back into our "normal routine" together, just us girls. Shannon and Rory both have colds. I think this is number 37 in a row, (not really, but I just wanted to speak to my tired frame of mind). Our baseboard heating, coated in dust and cat hair, and low humidity, plus my OWN cold has made it a rough night's sleep. My hair is mussed, my flannel pajamas askew, my lips are dry and scaly and caked with a mix of saliva and mucus and there is a delightful film on my teeth. I wake up at quarter to 7 with shrieks of "Mommy! Mommy!" Not good.

I stumble down the hall, groggy and partially asleep and walk into a gloomy room, the smell of urine hits my draining nostrils.  There are TWO urine-soaked toddlers and two beds to change, ahhhh twins. The top of Rory's diaper has split open and the pee-soaked plastic jelly inside has opened into her footy pajamas, down into her right leg. Both girls have peed clear through their jammies. The bathtub it is!

In my haste to strip the toddlers and run the bath, I go to hastily blow my nose into a tissue. I miss the tissue and fill the palm of my left hand with green mucus. Grossness factor of about 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. Fast forward to after breakfast. Following a bath and getting dressed, we go downstairs for a breakfast of yogurt and Nutella bread. An announcement is made. "Poo-poo!" Not unusual. I take my time to clean them both up after eating. No additional complaints of poop, no offensive smells, so we skip to playing. I think, "Maybe it was just gas."

I'm running the timer on the microwave as they learn to share a second-hand stroller and I pick Rory up to check her pants and change her. Her pants are soaked in liquid poo, and now, so is my left arm. Eau de poo...No visible traces just a nice stench.

All this to say, it was followed by two more doodies, albeit in small successive volumes. Shannon announced she had to go too, but on the potty, and succeeded in a wet fart, as she sat on the toilet with the phone, talking to her grandparents, who were cheering her on.

There is more to tell. I could go on telling you about my role as referee and housemaid. But I will leave you with this parting thought: the cat is kneeding my belly fat as I type (he only comes out when the kids are down for naps or in bed). I'm going to go drink some water because I'm getting a caffeine-induced headache. A cup of coffee, a cup of black tea, and a Diet Mountain Dew drunk in one morning will do that to you.