Tempted and Kicking Temptation in the Butt

There are times when I just get so frustrated in life, that I'm ready to "throw in the towel." No, not commit suicide, just have a...to quote Victoria Beckham, "MAJOR" hissy fit.

When I'm dieting and I see amazing food that I "can't" eat...

When I'm frustrated trying to get pregnant and it's not happening...

When I'm taking classes and the end doesn't seem in sight...

I just want to explode and give up, all at the same time (is that possible? And if it was, it might be messy...)!

I'm tired of dieting, tired of trying to work things out when I have relationship issues, tired of sacrificing and compromising and going the second mile... and sometimes I lose little battles. But you know what? When I give in, I'm the first one to suffer.

That's why I have to suck it up and keep on, keepin' on....#1 because it's the RIGHT thing to do and #2 it's probably best for everyone else that I do. :)

So how do I deal with stress?

1. Go for a run or a walk (exercise boosts good feelings and gets out aggression)


2. Watch a movie that makes me cry or gives me warm fuzzies (also promotes good feelings and cries out the bad ones)


3. Call a friend that will listen and encourage me (not one that will gossip and add fuel to the fire, but a mentor, one that will offer perspective and pray with me)


4. Try and take a nap (get enough rest)


5. Step back and examine the situation (after the emotional storm subsides and I can view something logically)


6. Check my diet and make sure I'm getting enough protein and good food to eat.

Those are the biggies.

What do you do when you are ready to burst?

From One Perspective to Another

I was having a chat yesterday afternoon with my friend Dorothy R. I needed some advice and a perspective check. She shared with me about her missions trip to India. She told me about how she used to complain about her feet, but when she went to India, there were people there, without feet.

Everything is relative.

I talked to my friend T about his situation. He's got 6 mouths to feed, and a salary that can't allow his wife to stay home with the kids any longer. She has to go back to work to make extra income.

And everyone has different priorities. I choose to spend $300 on bootcamp (and I plan on signing up again in January 2008, oohrah!), but I don't own a cell phone. We have internet, but no cable TV. These are our (my husband's and my) priorities and part of our perspective on life.

My husband just swapped his old truck for a smaller, more fuel-efficient car with a guy he found on Craig's List. Sure, the car has some dings in it, but it runs well and it was already inspected. (Incidentally, my car is leaking oil and my husband had to put 4 quarts of oil in it this morning. Dang.)

It's good to get a perspective check every once in awhile. What are the things God is blessing you with right now? It helps cut back on the list of things you complain about when you think of all the good things you have going for you. And don't wait for good things to happen to you, make good things happen. You're not getting any younger.

Finding Your Happy Place

Do you remember that part in that movie where the guy curls up into the fetal position and repeats over and over to himself, "Find a happy place!" Sometimes, when life gets tough, that's exactly what I tell myself...

But in all sincerity, I think that too many of us go through life not knowing what are talents, preferences and abilities are...we don't know until we've stepped in #2, or gotten in over our heads, how we could have avoided it in the first place, and been on our way sooner to finding that "happy place."

I'm an advocate for personality testing. My friend Heather was a Psych major in undergrad and now she's getting her MA in Counseling. She ran the gamut of self-testing in this one class she was taking, and let me tell you, she came out knowing a lot about herself. I told her I was going to call up her professor (an acquaintance of mine) and tell him I'd pay him to let me take those tests. It's THAT great getting to know all the stuff about yourself. Sure you could discover some of the same stuff through life experience but WITH testing you can discover those things and more, sooner!

Why waste years of your life slogging through professions that make you unhappy when you could be in a job that works with your talents and abilities? Why pay thousands of dollars in school loans for a degree you won't ever use? Get your butt to the school guidance counselor and ask for advice. Visit your college career center and take some tests. And good gracious, do the internship. You have everything to gain by taking the time to find out who you are and a glimpse at who you can be.

These self-evaluations tell you who you work better with, and with whom you are most likely to have conflicts, based on your strengths and weaknesses (a lot like your Chinese horoscope, except more accurate). They show you areas where you could stand to grow! Imagine that!

Go. Learn. Grow and get a better job! Do things right the first time, and save yourselves the time, money and energy you'll have to expend to reinvent yourself in your late 20's or 30's.

Take this free assessment to find out if your current job is a fit for you: Run with the Bulls Assessment

Other personality and career tests

The Generation Gap

Jeff and I watched a documentary on WWII Sunday night. It was amazing. If any of you have ever watched a movie on this war, or read any books about it, you can begin to imagine what this war was like for our fighting men. It is no wonder that Tom Brokaw named his book "The Greatest Generation." These soldiers, sailors and support personnel were true survivors and some were heros. But war is ugly and can twist men into monsters.

"To find yourself in a situation where your life is of little value is the ultimate in lonliness," wrote one soldier in his memoirs. Marine lives, used as cannon fodder to take or hold a position wasted on the beaches, their blood running freely and mingling with the ocean waves. Feeling the terror of knowing that you are being deployed to a combat area knowing that you most likely won't make it home....saying goodbye to loved ones for one last time before going to their deaths, and knowing it was so.

While this is not the fate awaiting the majority of our fighting men and women today, for some it is still a reality they must face. There are still men and women laying down their lives for us overseas, in the name of the U.S. of A.

We are now in the midst of a new war against "insurgents" and "terrorists." Again our GI's are fighting for freedom and the interests of our country in a foreign land. Let's remember to pray for them while they are preparing to deploy and leave their families for a year or more, while they are in harm's way and when they come home when they are either injured or finishing a tour. They need our support.

Do you know anyone who is serving our country in this war? I'd like to give a shout out to Luke and Chip in Iraq and Jared in Kuwait. Stay strong boys and come home safely!

Movies I recommend on WWII:

Saving Private Ryan
Band of Brothers

Enemy at the Gates
Pearl Harbor

Flags of Our Fathers

Tumbling Down Life's Path to Self-Discovery

To myself: "Is it just me or do my legs look veinier than usual? Great googly mooglie! They DO look veinier! When did THAT happen?"

Yes, it's true. Beauty DOES fade, and eventually you're left with a rose that has lost it's bloom. I made a discovery tonight. I was in the bathtub (don't worry folks this is rated "G" for general audiences) where I make the majority of my discoveries, and I looked down at the whiteness of my skin covering my legs.

Usually my attention is directed towards a new mole, or another role of fat I have grown that separates me from a direct view of my toes, something else caught my attention. As I looked at the stark whiteness of my thighs and calves, admiring the muscles I had begun to regrow during boot camp, suddenly, something new came into focus, my blue-green leg veins.

Normally my favorite color, I shrank in horror at the sight of it as it coursed freely like the Amazon River on a relief map. I guess they were always there, ...just never so prominently. Visions of unaffordable skin treatments, painful vericose vein surgeries and sweaty compression hosiery danced in my head. What would I do? Could I stem the tide that threatens to sweep the last petals of my beauty away in a veiny existance?

Has anyone else made this discovery? Have your leg veins come into prominence as you have gotten older, or am I alone? What's a girl to do? Veiny and in need of advice. I remain yours truly, Veinhilda.

When Things Change

Do you embrace or resist change? When you sense the changing of the guard, the turning of the tide or the changing of the seasons do you cringe or welcome it with open arms? Do you feel anxious or excited? I say...it depends on the circumstances of the change. I am not yet strong enough to not allow myself to be emotionally swayed by circumstances. I'm better than I was when I was younger than my 30 years, but I have not "arrived" and am still a work in progress.

If I anticipate the change bringing good results, then I generally welcome it with open arms, even if the process that brings the change about is expected to be difficult. If I think shifting circumstances are the harbinger of doom, I may wail... ;)

"Change" means different things to people. Just the sound of the word itself can inspire goosebumps or ripples of delight. Something unknown is coming...something unpredictable and often times out of our control...

Think about the following lists of circumstances bringing change and how you feel when you read them:

You're about to become a parent

You can't fit into your pants anymore

Moving away from your best friend

Change of job

Death of a loved one

Divorce

Completing an addition on your first home

Being promoted at work

Starting church with a new congregation

Going back to school after several years out of the classroom


There are sudden changes, and gradual ones, which we notice and mark by subtle or sudden encounters... Like when you look at the kids in your church who are going off to college this fall and remember when you taught them in Sunday School or had them in youth group... Or when you remember the anniversary of the Sept. 11th attacks and remark that you've been married for six years (married July 28, 2001) and think about how the world won't ever be the same.

Good things and bad things come with change. God uses change in our lives. This brings me to the question, how come bad things happen to good people? I just heard about a lady today that worked where I work years ago, and she's dieing of liver cancer. It's a painful death. I wonder why God allows some people to die quickly and others more slowly and painfully. I wonder what changes are being wrought in the families of countless friends and families that I will never know about.

What do I know now, that I didn't know five or ten years ago? What have you learned about your own response to change? At the risk of sounding like I'm inviting you to attend a High School class reunion...How have you changed?

Love and Respect, for the Ladies

He must love her, she must respect him, whether or not he or she is deserving of that love or respect. It figures that the hardest thing to show to your spouse is the very thing that God demands. Women easily and naturally love with abandon, and men good naturedly extend respect to their fellow man. How hard it is for a woman to respect her husband's God-given authority or for the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church!

It is the age-old struggle. Women consciously or subconsciously fighting their husbands for control in the marriage... Men struggling to step up to the plate and lead... Women not being satisfied with the attempts men make to help out around the house...nagging them to do it better, faster or differently altogether...

I think it is even harder to biblically submit to our husbands in this day and age when most women are working 40 plus hour weeks along side their husbands and then they have the house to come home to (and potential other responsibilities outside the home)! Men who have grown up in a home where their mom has done all the housework may decidely refrain from engaging in household chores leaving these duties to their working wives... and this is a source of friction in many a marriage.

What are ways that you have addressed this in your marriage? How do you communicate with your husband about who pays the bills? How do you divy up the chores? How have you set up your budget? Any advice?

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Let me preface this post by saying that everything is relative. A bad day in a third world country is vastly different from any bad day I might experience.

I woke up at 5 a.m. yesterday with very bad menstrual cramps, enough said. Then I went to work and was 10 minutes late because I didn't get out the door quickly enough.

On the way to a restaurant at lunch time, my friend pointed out I had torn the seam in the right wrist of my relatively new blouse. When we were walking into the restaurant, I tripped and fell while walking in my high heels (which I don't normally wear) because I didn't carefully watch where I was going. I scuffed my new shoes, abraided my hands and the knees of one of the last pairs of pants that fits me and I skinned my left knee and bruised the right. Good times.

After we were seated, our waitress visited us three times...once to take our order, the second to bring us our food, the third to bring my friend a new soda (the one she was brought was flat), then she never came back. We waited around for awhile and then had the hostess ring up our bill. It would all have been pretty funny, but then I had to explain to my boss why I was late getting back from my lunch.

What's a girl to do?

It's been awhile since I wrote anything too thoughtful. I think I'll make a topic list of things to potentially talk about:

1. finding friends/teammates/acquaintences from high school on MySpace


2. discovering how many of your friends (new and old) have kids and how old their kids are


3. being back in school at age 30 and still having test anxiety


4. spouse wars and deciding what's really important to fight about and what to let go


5. wishing you had more money for "nice things" and properly planning to purchase some


6. the fight for better posture, and how posture effects how others perceive you


7. Thanatophobia: fear of death


8. watching your parents and loved ones get older


9. dealing with illness and its effects on you and your loved ones


10. the battle of the bulge and how it effects your relationship with your spouse

Food for thought.

Vacation Anyone?

Where did you take your most restful vacation ever? Where did you go? What did you do? What did you see? What was your favorite part about it? I'd like to know.

Jeff and I are going on vacation at the end of the month to NC. We enjoy it. It's peaceful, there aren't a ton of people and I can wiggle my toes in the sand and take walks while listening to the birds and the waves. Jeff enjoys boogie boarding and casting his fishing net.

Where do you go to get away from it all?

Lord Of The Rings - Opening scene

Best movie opener ever...

A few questions for you

Anyone remember that DC Talk song about time ticking away? It just came to mind. When I was looking at my last post, I realized that we all have a limited amount of time to do things, on a grander scale than just a window of time before the next semester starts. Our days on this earth are numbered. We don't know the day when we will close our eyes for the last time, but God does.

So how do we make our time on earth count? What are your thoughts and suggestions?

Another thing...thinking about going to heaven is a wonderful thought, but the thought of dying is not. I've had this conversation with my friend Heather. It's not the thought of leaving this earth and going to heaven to finally rest eternally that really scares us, it's the thought of the process of leaving that frightens us. Death, and the unknown. Will heaven be fun? There are so many questions I have for God, that I wish He would answer now, but I know He doesn't speak audibly.

The sermon on Sunday was about discerning the will of God. God doesn't speak audibly, but he speaks through people, and circumstances. We were cautioned on listening to the circumstances though. They can be a little deceptive.

In order to determine the will of God, you must be in prayer, reading your Bible (so you know that your request is in line with the will of God as defined in His word) and you have to listen for a response through his people and through the circumstances he sends your way. Did anyone else get a different spin on that sermon? Let me here from you.

I'd also like to hear from anyone else who has an educated opinion. Thanks!

Daydreaming the Day Away

Come and daydream with me.

Is there something you would rather be doing with your time right this very minute? If you could just put down that project at work, grab your stuff and walk out the door, where would you go? Think about it.

If you were unfettered of a job or responsibilities at home, where would you go? What would you plan to see? What would you do?

Oh, I almost forgot...you can spend a modest amount of money, money is not a problem. We're not talking being independently wealthy (though the concept is worth exploring at some point) we're just talking feeling comfortable doing things you would like to be doing.

Post a comment! I want to know your thoughts on the subject.

I think that I would send people I love, gifts in the mail. I'd go shopping on line and have some of their favorite things delievered to their houses. Flowers and candygrams all around!

I'd buy fabulous gifts and decorations for my friends' baby shower this weekend.

I'd put a bigger check in the offering plate, AND the benevolence fund...and heck, I'd even make a contribution to the building fund!

I'd give money to the local volunteer fire department!

I'd adopt another pet from the animal shelter (maybe that's getting carried away).

I'd go and visit my family in WNY.

I'd call my grandmother.

I'd book a rental at a romantic spot for me and my hubby someplace new for the weekend!

What's your story?

For the "Lord of the Rings" Fans

Resolve and Commitment as discussed by characters created by J. R. R. Tolkien from his book The Lord of the Rings

The following is a conversation between Gandalf the Grey, Gimli the dwarf and Elrond the elf before the Fellowship leaves to take the Ring to be destroyed.

'The further you go, the less easy will it be to withdraw; yet no oath or bond is laid on you to go further than you will. For you do not yet know the strength of your hearts, and you cannot foresee what each may meet upon the road.' (Gandalf)

'Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,' said Gimli.

'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen nightfall.'

'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli.

'Or break it,' said Elrond. 'Look not too far ahead! But go now with good hearts! Farewell, and may the blessing of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you. May the stars shine upon your faces!"

Politically Incorrect

Top 10 List of Politically Correct Vocab Words or Phrases I Oppose

Keep Fighting the Good Fight

Hebrews 12:1 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Hebrews 12

God Disciplines His Sons "1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

This post doesn't really have anything to do with George Bush, I just liked the fact that he was gesturing, "rock on!" to the crowd. What does the phrase "rock on" have to do with the aforementioned Bible verse? Well...perseverance of course!

My friend Greg emailed me not too long ago. He told me that I rocked. I replied with this picture of George W. Bush that I found on Google images. That's one of my favorite things to do...respond to emails with pictures I harvest from Google. It's really fun. Try it. You likie!

But back to perseverance... Merriam-Webster Online defines perseverance as: "the action or condition or an instance of persevering : STEADFASTNESS ." Keep on, keeping on.....or so the hippie quoth. Fight the good fight. Press onward...

I think of the lyrics to a song I used to sing in church in youth group days, that incredibly, just came to mind. I'm not sure I got ALL the words right, but what I can remember goes like this:

Forgetting what lies behind,

setting our hearts on the prize,

always keeping our eyes on our Lord Jesus.

We're running the race to win,

all the way till the end,

throwing off any sin that would seek to hinder us,

And we'll be faithful to our calling

'cause He is able to keep us from falling.

In His promise, we will trust,

He is faithful to finish the work He began in us.

Cool huh?! Keep on my bruthas and sistas.

Do Over

Have you ever wanted to have a "do over"-A moment in time when you could repeat a scene in your life and do things differently than how you did them the first time around?

Thinking about turning 30 has forced me to look back on my life thus far, and to think about how much time I may have left (on average40 to 50 years) and to take stock of things up to this point. I realize that there are so many opportunities I've let slip by because I was "afraid to try" or "worried about looking dumb." There are also situations in which I didn't comport myself in the best way possible. I've said some stupid things to people that have hurt them. I said them to win an argument, or out of revenge, or just because I didn't think through the ramifications before I opened my big mouth. All moments in my life, I wish that I could re-do.

Take the time I had the opportunity to go para sailing for free...

My in laws, some cousins, aunts, uncles, and my husband and I were at Lake George in upstate NY. My father-in-law was paying for those who wanted to go para sailing because his mother who was in her late 70's early 80's wanted to go. It was one of the things she wanted to do before she died. My mother-in-law and I were the only ones to stay behind because we feared to leave the ground. (Incidentally, we are both control freaks) Everyone else chose adventure, and I chose shopping because I was too chicken to leave the ground. Boy did I miss an experience! The next time I'll choose the para sailing...I hope.

Sometimes, I am compelled not only by guilt and remorse, but by a desire to make up for a less-than-spectacular performance or because I perceive people will/have thought less of me. If I can't look back and say, "that deserved an A" I'm not comfortable. I don't like making mistakes, and what's worse, I don't like it when people point them out to me, rubbing it in like salt in an open wound. Dang. It prompts this weird, yet common response in me....making excuses. "Perfectionist" you say? Perhaps. I do love to critique and to be critiqued. I don't like being torn down. There is a difference between admonishing someone and criticizing them. However, it is through learning through our mistakes that we become stronger people.

By screwing up and being humble and learning from our mistakes we develop character, make amends, forgive, achieve, grow and do better the next time around. We endure the pain of defeat, or we repent of some awful sin we have committed and we grow! It's amazing. Life is a series of negotiations and committments. I want to be a better person and to carpe diem a bit more and hang back on the sidelines less often.

It's like that Tim McGraw song, My Next 30 Years. I leave you with the lyrics to that song:

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age

The ending of an era and the turning of a page

Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here

Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun

Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears

And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores

Cry a little less, laugh a little more

Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear

Figure out just what I’m doing here In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight

Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late

Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers

Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life

Raise a little family and hang out with my wife

Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear

Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years In my next thirty years

Stupid

"Goooooossssshhhh!" Have you ever regretted doing a stupid thing? Have you ever woken up the next morning after doing something totally against your better judgement, but something at the time looked like a lot of fun, and ponder, "What was I thinking?!" I did.

Last night I went to see the new Transformers movie at 9 pm after having being awake since 6 a.m. or so. Waking up this morning I am exhausted and I have to go to work. It's going to be another pony tail hair-day. If that's the worst thing I've ever done and regretted I realize that I'm not doing so bad. I liked the movie, but I missed precious sleep.

At the time, I knew I was going to feel this way today. I've done this sort of thing before, only this time, I'm older, wiser, and I anticipated feeling like this today. On days like today, the coffee bean is my life saver.

I've been sitting here typing this post with my toothbrush poised in my mouth, half asleep, thinking about the movie Napoleon Dynamite and how he probably would have gone with Kip to see the Transformers movie too. Kip would have gone on about the "hot babes" and Napoleon would have told him to shut up. Great stuff! The stuff that exhausted day-dreams are made of....it's time for coffee. Have a great day! Peace.

My Final Frontier

When are you too old to try new things? I don't think there is an age where it becomes inappropriate to try new things, but there has to be some truth to the old adage, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks".

The older we get the less likely we are to want to try new things. We become "set in our ways." We have preferences and definite likes and dislikes. We know which restaurants we want to patronize, we have a set schedule for going to the bathroom, and we don't like change.

We like to know that we can expect to go grocery shopping on Saturday mornings, that Friday night is "ladies night" and that someone will always be there to greet us when we come home. But things don't stay the same do they? Change is inevitable.

One day we will reach our final frontier, and begin the last chapter of our lives, but while it remains unwritten, let's seize the day and make the most of it, while we can choose to shape how it will end.

The Great Weight Loss Adventure AKA, Developing Self-Discipline

Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight has failed, at least once. That's my theory. I need to discipline myself. I have to deny my self gratification and have a rebirth of mind and soul before I can have one in body!

I cannot even tell you the last time I darkened the door of a mall store that sold womens' clothing, but I can tell you what my visit was like. I was unable to fit into anything they sold because I have ballooned to a size 14. A sedentary lifestyle will do that to you! I am too fat to wear the trendy clothes of people in their 20's and still not fat enough to shop in the plus size store. I am at that crossroads in fatness where I can choose to discipline myself and lose weight, or I can give in, say "The heck with this!" and just get fatter and fatter, letting frumpiness envelope me like fat folds.

Unfortunately, I can't just wish it away, or drink diet soda and hope that will be enough (I've tried and it doesn't work). Neither does going to the gym three times a week for a half-hour. I have to develop a new way of thinking...one where I have the frame of mind that weight loss is more important than school, more important than housework, yard work or even sleep.

The only way I will successfully lose weight and not continue to be fat in my 30's is to prioritize my weight loss goal. I must manage my diet and get regular, vigorous, sustained exercise. I must get regular sleep. There are going to be some serious changes taking place.

"Lean protein and vegetables," is my mantra, followed by, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"... I'm hoping that's what happens when I strap on my too tight workout clothes (that I have grown out of) and start exercising again in yet another effort to revisit my size 12, and dare I say, size 10 pants and size medium tops.

I don't want to look back on my life and wish I had been thinner! I have already noticed some unpleasant changes in my body and I have to stop this degenerative progression into fatness and obesity before it's too late.

Fatness happens gradually. It starts with small changes in behavior that develop into poor eating habits and a decline in activity, compounded by a change in metabolism. Before long, you're looking in the mirror flapping your arms that hang heavy with clap-fat, counting your chins and grabbing your own love handles!

Aieeeeeee!