Developing Inner-Beauty

Has your child ever caught you off-guard by asking you an embarrassing question, out-of-the-blue? Yeah. The kind of question that you have to pause to answer because you need to carefully craft an answer that is void of emotion yet fraught with plausible explanation...you know the kind that I mean.

I was climbing out of the shower and my 3.5 year-old was on the toilet reading a book. As I was wrapping myself in a towel, she innocently and calmly asked me, "Mommy, why do your boobies look like that?"

Me: ... "Well, when you breastfeed your babies and go through pregnancy your body changes." I felt the need to sheepishly add, "You know, they didn't ALWAYS look like this." Like I was talking to an adult or something and had to offer an excuse.

Kids notice things about our bodies all the time. They play with the things that squish, jiggle and wobble that make them giggle. Part of me is glad to bring my children some small measure of joy, but a larger part of my heart feels a little defeated. Their innocent remarks are a pointed reminder that I am getting older and decaying day by day. Gravity and age are taking over and the bloom is off my rose. It is a reminder that I must carefully cultivate the spiritual beauty that is found within, because that is ultimately what will glorify God, the ambassador that others will see.

Today at JAM, the speaker was a pastor who was talking about the biblical version of beauty. He spoke about how our self-talk and the things that we meditate on eventually reveal themselves on the outside. Our meditations become a part of our beauty, apart from our physical assets, either adding to or detracting from our witness. He challenged us to develop our inner beauty and to avoid consulting the mirrors of this world that command their own standard of beauty. We should meditate on the fruits of the spirit, the things that make a person truly beautiful, so that our hearts shine through to the world, revealing the image of God, ultimately bringing honor to him. Our secondary consideration is the message we are sending to our husbands. That of, "You are worthy of honor!"

So we try to keep in shape, do our hair and look presentable. These physical pursuits are the outward appearance, while we cultivate our spiritual soil through prayer, bible study and godly pursuits. Through the passage of time our inner beauty will fade, but the outer-beauty will remain and either attract people or repel them. The meditations of our heart, the self-talk we promote and our physical efforts to keep up this temple will send a message to the world. We get to choose it.

Role Playing

A and S have started role playing of late. They take turns being the mommy and the "sweetheart" a.k.a. the child. While they are doing this, I am called "the giant". Driving in the car, "Where is the giant taking us?" At home, "Let's get the giant!" or "Giant! I'm done. Come wipe me!"

I recently overheard A (the sweetheart) and S (the mommy) role playing in their playroom and it was revealing. Sometimes it's a good scenario and everything is rosey and harmonious. My mommy persona comes off looking good. There is sharing, taking turns, kind words and even "please" and "thank you". Other times, it's more stormy, as when "the sweetheart" is intentionally disobeying, and "the mommy" ends up threatening to give away all the sweetheart's toys to the local thrift store.

S told A that she would "take away your toys and give them to Care and Share if you don't obey!" A told her "No!". S made a long, growling noise that varied in pitch and volume (very Godzilla-like) and then, A, motivated by said display,  agreed in so many words that she would comply, and said she was sorry and then things were once again right in the universe. S forgave her and all was well. Problem solved. Ahhhhhh...if only disciplining were THAT easy. :)

Is Your "Hut" On Fire?

I think somebody sent this to me in an email once....

"The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him.

Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.

One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost.

He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?"

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him!

"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.

"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God."

Perspective Lost

The following is something I never published. I just thought about it and wrote it as a draft, mostly to get things out in front of me where I could read them and see them with my eyes. It's a post from when the girls were between 2 and 3 years of age. That time is hazy for me now. I should have written more down, but I got busy and well, there it is. I'm sharing this now as a reminder that we all lose perspective from time to time and we need to be reminded that we are children of the living God. He sees us. He loves us, and he doesn't want us to feel sorry for ourselves. He wants us to bring him glory. But we all lose perspective from time to time. We are all fallible.

The funny thing is...I found this draft AFTER writing my Mom's Night Out post. As moms, we all lose aspects of our old selves from time to time. Sometimes we even go to a hormonally-induced-dark-place...like the one below.

"It's dangerous to try and psychoanalyze yourself when you are overtired, under a considerable amount of stress and PMS-ing. Without the details, I am wrestling with feeling like an afterthought, the last pick for kickball, the person nobody cares about listening to and I just want to SCREAM. On days like this, I need to remember that I am important to my kids. There are so many situations in my life right now that are screaming to me that I DO NOT MATTER IN A SIGNIFICANT WAY. This is not a shameless plea for praise, encouragement and sympathy. This is a guttural cry of angst. A shout of defiance to the universe.

I am no longer the center of my own universe. I have been usurped by my children, as is natural and I find myself at the bottom of the pecking order. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs might point out that I am having a crisis of esteem and belonging. Invisibility is my newest character trait. Lack of fulfillment looms before me. Feeling like I don't contribute in a meaningful way is really bugging me. I don't sew. I'm not crafty like my SIL's. Never got a high score on the SAT's. I have my M.Ed. but no teaching job. I had a hard time getting pregnant. And to top it all off, I'm overweight and I hate how I look in my out dated clothing and no make-up. I look the same as I did in high-school, except heavier. Sigh...

I've been treading water for so long, I just want to feel terra firma under my feet again."

RECLAIM  your terra firma ladies. Get a sitter, go out and laugh with your girlfriends. If you can, go on a ladies retreat or even out for dinner. Listen to God's voice and remember who you are. A woman, dearly loved by the creator of the universe.

Moms' Night Out

Going to see Moms' Night Out with a fellow mamma was a good choice. I thoroughly enjoyed it, laughing out loud, multiple times. The movie also provoked tears, the happy kind, the ones that flow when I am reminded that God loves me, that he gave me my precious kids and that with his grace, I can be their mom.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear so many overt reminders of God's love for us, spoken from the mouths of the movie's characters. This is a movie I would want to own on DVD because it's wholesome, thought-provoking and because it captures so many aspects of what it's like living the mommy-dream. It can be funny, again and again.

This movie has a lot of comedy, and a lot of heart. It's about a frazzled, young mom trying to find a bit of perspective, living her mommy dream. She goes out for a rare night-on-the-town with her best friend, and the pastor's wife. Their men are watching the kids for a few hours. What could go wrong?

Through a series of unfortunate events, things DO go awry, but in a perspective-giving-sort-of-way.

You are reminded of so many important things. The take-aways:

1. Finding perspective-giving time away from your kids with your girlfriends is important.

2. Having a loving and supportive spouse is golden.

3. God has blessed you with this mommy-life. He loves you and gives you the grace to be a momma. You are living a "beautiful mess", and the years are fleeting.

P.S. Trace Adkins is SUPER huge and I would not want to get on his bad side...ever.

Thanks babe, for watching our twinnies so that I could go out on the town with a friend.