After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, let me see if I've got this right:
You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.
You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.
You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, and a big smile.
You want me to do all this and then you tell me.......
I CAN'T PRAY?
Our adventurous life after successful infertility treatment...
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
PC Magazine's Award Winning Letter 2007
Alright readers...I'm not sure if this is even true, but it is a funny rant from a former customer of PC products. My Aunt Margie sent this to me for laughs...It's rated PG-13 for language...
PC Magazine's Award Winning Letter.2007 editors' choice for best webmail
This is an actual letter an Austin, Texas woman sent to manufacturer "Proctor and Gamble" regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . .
Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX
PC Magazine's Award Winning Letter.2007 editors' choice for best webmail
This is an actual letter an Austin, Texas woman sent to manufacturer "Proctor and Gamble" regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . .
Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Of Course They're Scissors
This is an email I received from a friend, who received it from a friend, who....well you get the point.
"THIS IS MY KINDERGARTNER'S ARTISTIC RENDERING OF A PAIR OF SCISSORS.
"I WONDER WHAT HIS TEACHER THOUGHT.
"I ALLOWED MYSELF JUST A SMALL SMIRK WHEN I SAW IT. I WAITED UNTIL HE WAS OUT OF THE ROOM UNTIL I STARTED CRYING FROM LAUGHING SO HARD.WELL, OF COURSE THEY'RE SCISSORS.
"I WONDER WHAT HIS TEACHER THOUGHT.
"I ALLOWED MYSELF JUST A SMALL SMIRK WHEN I SAW IT. I WAITED UNTIL HE WAS OUT OF THE ROOM UNTIL I STARTED CRYING FROM LAUGHING SO HARD.WELL, OF COURSE THEY'RE SCISSORS.
"IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH A SMALL CHILD OR IF YOU ARE A TEACHER YOU WILL LOVE THIS!
"AS YOU ALL KNOW I WILL BE REQUIRED TO PROUDLY DISPLAY THIS ON MY REFRIGERATOR FOR A LENGTH OF TIME . "
Monday, June 2, 2008
A Cultural Mosaic: Multiculturalism in the U.S.A.
Once we were a society and country dominated by Judeo-Christian morality and work ethic. Now we have become a pantheistic, pluralistic society that serves many gods and gives many handouts. We are a dysfunctional, yet multicultural society.
Once described as a melting pot, then as a salad, and now as a mosaic or tapestry with many distinct cultures all meshed together, tolerance and respect are the prescription for peace in America today.
Our nation was first documented to be inhabited by Native Americans, then taken over by white Anglo-Saxon protestants (WASPS), when they split from the Church of England and those loyal to the crown. Then the Protestants split off into Dutch Reformed, Lutherans, Catholics, and further immigration brought Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and Muslims. More recently those religions have been joined by Christian Scientists, Scientologists and a multitude of other philosophies. People are making up their own religions on their own, or taking pieces from other religions and meshing them together to create new ones. It's a "whatever makes you happy" outlook on life.
Where is God in an ecumenical, multicultural society? When does tolerance cause us to compromise our Christian beliefs and duty?
I remember stories in the OT of when God would have the Israelites slaughter men, women, children and animals belonging to hostile lands God gave into their possession. What at first sounds harsh, later makes sense when the Israelites disobey God and intermarry with people of other faiths that serve other gods. Bad stuff happens. People that survived war with Israel sought revenge and others turned away from God adopting the religions of foreign lands.
I am a Master of Multicultural Education student. My desire is to see a classroom and curriculum that reflects the cultural backgrounds of all students, but when does equal representation become advocating lifestyles and beliefs that are not my own, that I don't believe should be presented in a positive light?
As an educator it is my job to present all the information and to allow the students to make an informed decision. I am not there to promote my own agenda or to spin so that students see things my way. My duty is to promote tolerance and respect among genders and across cultures. I am a cultural referee and multicultural advocate. I am a safe haven for children from other cultures and non-American backgrounds. I am a cultural bridge-builder across generations and between peoples.
How do I cling to Jesus and continue to be his representative to the world, when my hands are tied in the classroom? What say you?
Once described as a melting pot, then as a salad, and now as a mosaic or tapestry with many distinct cultures all meshed together, tolerance and respect are the prescription for peace in America today.
Our nation was first documented to be inhabited by Native Americans, then taken over by white Anglo-Saxon protestants (WASPS), when they split from the Church of England and those loyal to the crown. Then the Protestants split off into Dutch Reformed, Lutherans, Catholics, and further immigration brought Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and Muslims. More recently those religions have been joined by Christian Scientists, Scientologists and a multitude of other philosophies. People are making up their own religions on their own, or taking pieces from other religions and meshing them together to create new ones. It's a "whatever makes you happy" outlook on life.
Where is God in an ecumenical, multicultural society? When does tolerance cause us to compromise our Christian beliefs and duty?
I remember stories in the OT of when God would have the Israelites slaughter men, women, children and animals belonging to hostile lands God gave into their possession. What at first sounds harsh, later makes sense when the Israelites disobey God and intermarry with people of other faiths that serve other gods. Bad stuff happens. People that survived war with Israel sought revenge and others turned away from God adopting the religions of foreign lands.
I am a Master of Multicultural Education student. My desire is to see a classroom and curriculum that reflects the cultural backgrounds of all students, but when does equal representation become advocating lifestyles and beliefs that are not my own, that I don't believe should be presented in a positive light?
As an educator it is my job to present all the information and to allow the students to make an informed decision. I am not there to promote my own agenda or to spin so that students see things my way. My duty is to promote tolerance and respect among genders and across cultures. I am a cultural referee and multicultural advocate. I am a safe haven for children from other cultures and non-American backgrounds. I am a cultural bridge-builder across generations and between peoples.
How do I cling to Jesus and continue to be his representative to the world, when my hands are tied in the classroom? What say you?
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Heart to Heart 5K Results
Well...I raced today. It was a learning experience.
I learned I need to start towards the middle of the pack instead of the rear and that when the race course doubles back on itself and I am in danger of being lapped by faster runners that I need to wait until later in the course to make my move to pass people. I think I shot my wad early on and didn't finish as strongly as I could have. Heat was another factor.
I got caught behind slower runners and then had to stay behind them until all the fastest runners were done lapping the slower runners. By the end of the race, I had a spittle ring around the corners of my mouth. I looked like a filly that had been ridden hard and put away wet. :)
Overall, it was an incredibly frustrating experience. I didn't get my hands on a map of the course until a half hour before the race. The course was narrow in several places as well, and there were non-race participants causing congestion on the race course. THAT was incredibly annoying.
The only highlights of the course were the shirt, and the orange slices you got at the end. They also had other stuff, like freezy pops for the kids fun runners and all kinds of other food, but it was crazy and congested for the adults. Now I know... That's about all I should say.
I learned I need to start towards the middle of the pack instead of the rear and that when the race course doubles back on itself and I am in danger of being lapped by faster runners that I need to wait until later in the course to make my move to pass people. I think I shot my wad early on and didn't finish as strongly as I could have. Heat was another factor.
I got caught behind slower runners and then had to stay behind them until all the fastest runners were done lapping the slower runners. By the end of the race, I had a spittle ring around the corners of my mouth. I looked like a filly that had been ridden hard and put away wet. :)
Overall, it was an incredibly frustrating experience. I didn't get my hands on a map of the course until a half hour before the race. The course was narrow in several places as well, and there were non-race participants causing congestion on the race course. THAT was incredibly annoying.
The only highlights of the course were the shirt, and the orange slices you got at the end. They also had other stuff, like freezy pops for the kids fun runners and all kinds of other food, but it was crazy and congested for the adults. Now I know... That's about all I should say.
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